Archives Part Deux

Another from Nov of 05. I still find it amusing though.

Alright time to piss people off. New music sucks. I said it. I'm tired of listening to B97 in the weight room. I really want to get into better shape, but since my mp3 player is not functioning properly right now, I feel like stabbing myself in the eardrums with ice picks after about 5 minutes of being there listening to solid crap. What ever happened to real music played by real musicians, and meaningful song lyrics by people who could actually lend feeling to the song? The acoustic guitar and harmonica are practically gone in popular music, replaced by computer beats and other random noise.

My only conclusion I can come to is people are stupid. I can understand if some people like to dance and like a few rap songs because of that. Personally I hate it, but then again I don't like to dance. I like to wear my cowboy hat, drink beer and listen to dumb country songs because that's what I do, but I realize they aren't the best songs in the world, just good to drink to. So if someone likes that music to dance to, but still appreciates good stuff then no complaints from me (as long as I don't have to hear it), but some people actually like only bad music. This baffles me. Not to mention the actual musicianship and vocals (which can't be done very well over the net without audio) here are some examples of just what is wrong with lyrics. I understand many rappers and pop singers want to get laid, which is admirable, but at least write some good lyrics or at very least make sexual play on words like they did in the 80's.

Note: I actually listened to these songs on Rhapsody to make sure they were bad so I had some merit for criticizing them. I found a few songs that were actually decent enough (not good, but decent) to not be included in this study.

Example #1 Run It by Chris Brown (currently #2 on the charts)
I got friends, and you got friends
They hop out, and you hop in I look fly, and they jockin
The way you drop, drop makes me wanna pop
The way you drop, drop makes me wanna pop

Is he dropping a deuce? Does this excite him? I have no idea what's going on so let's review a better set of lyrics

Across The Universe (J. Lennon)
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

Ah full of similes and imagery. It's almost poetic. The only way it could be better is if he mentioned how the images were "jockin'"

Example #2 My Humps - Black Eyed Peas (currently #3 on the Top 40)
What you gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’m a get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I know when I am trying to pick up a woman, I tell her how I'm going to get her drunk, talk about her fat ass, and hump her. That's very romantic.
Let's see how Mr. Neil Young writes

Like A Hurricane
You are like a hurricane
There’s calm in your eye.
And I’m gettin’ blown away
To somewhere safer where the feeling stays.
I want to love you but I’m getting blown away.

Hmmm..again similes and imagery. The double meaning of the word eye. Great lyrics.Alright one more

Example #3 Holla back girl by Gwen Stefani
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just goin' to happen like that
'Cause I ain't no holla back girl I ain't no holla back girl
ooh, this my shit , this my shit

Wow, people actually like this music. No, seriously. Are we supposed to be attracted to Gwen Stefani's feces? Again I'm confused.

Love and a .45 (Chris Knight)
Parole number fourteen two
Stands on the corner like she used to do
She's been away awhile so she's a little afraid
And the judge said he didn't want to see her again
But she's got no money she's got no rent
The money she had is already spent
Cause a couple of weeks ago she learned her lesson
Went and brought herself a little Smith and Wesson
Love and a 45 Are all you need to get thru the night
One'll kill you one'll keep you alive Love and a 45

Wow a song that tells a story. And a chorus where it gives the two subject matters the opposite connotation of their usual associations. Bravo Mr. Knight. That his shit! That his shit!

Hmmm...I rather like making sarcastic comments about bad songs. Perhaps I shall do it more often. I hope it amuses my readers as much as it does me:)